Cravings and Hormones
by Azkadellio
Summary: Around Christmas, Jade and Freddie's SO deal with the cravings of pregnancy. T for language. Parings are Jori and Seddie. A part of the 'Freddie Puckett' saga from after they got together but before their daughter was born. Sorry for poor summary.


**Random one-shot idea I thought of a while ago. I meant to have this up a couple of days ago, for my birthday, but I forgot until the day before, and forgot again that day. So I'm writing this now, the day after my birthday, to post it two days after I wanted it out.**

 **I didn't do much, or any to be honest, research on when pregnant women experience weird cravings and mood swings, so I didn't specify how far along they are. And if the cravings and hormones are separate events, I apologize for not knowing what I'm writing.  
**

 **Couples are Tori/Jade and Freddie/Sam. Tori and Sam are pregnant, and Tori got pregnant with Jade's daughter (this is considered a prequel to my** _ **'Freddie Puckett'**_ **saga from before the couples had kids) by an experimental procedure to give lesbian couples a child where both mothers are the biological parents.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own** _ **'VicTORious'**_ **,** _ **'iCarly'**_ **, or any characters.**

 **No POV**

"Ugh, what's that smell?" Sam asks, walking into the large kitchen at the Vega-West house, where her husband Freddie, Tori's wife Jade, and her mother-in-law Marissa are making Christmas dinner.

"Turkey and ham." Jade says as she cuts the ham into slices, showing she's equally talented at cutting with a knife as she is with scissors.

"It smells disgusting." Sam says, surprising everyone. "Oh, God. I hate pregnancy." She says, not believing she said ham smells disgusting.

"You were the one that didn't want to use protection." Freddie says as he makes the macaroni and cheese.

"I don't want to hear about how it happened." Marissa says, quick to cover her ears. Though she's happy to be a soon-to-be grandmother, she's still not a fan of Sam or her son's relationship with her, but lets it go since he's happy with the blonde.

"Where's Tori?" Jade asks, noticing the absent brunette.

"Bathroom, threatening to cut your imaginary balls off for getting her pregnant." Sam says, watching Marissa. "What are you cooking? It smells good." She asks her mother-in-law, slightly amused by Freddie's reaction (a grimace and instinct to protect himself) from Tori's threat to Jade.

"Some health food crap she's trying to make us eat this year." Jade says, running the knife under the faucet to wash the meat juices off before setting it behind the faucet to wash later. "And _you_ think it smells good? Wow." She adds, moving to put the turkey and ham in the stove to keep it warm, since dinner isn't for a few more hours and they have to get ready, her and Tori that is, to her in-law's house for presents.

"Jade, next time we decide to have a kid, you're carrying her." Tori says, walking into the kitchen with a scowl, her hair in a ponytail and looking a bit worse for wear.

"Hey, you're the one that insisted on carrying her." Jade counters, washing her hands. "You two got this? I need to shower before I head to the Vega's and hope my father-in-law doesn't gut me for impregnating his baby girl." She says with a joking smile, though she and Tori know that David really did threaten to do just that to the once Goth when the news was announced.

"She's joking, right?" Marissa asks as Jade leaves to take her shower.

"He promised to use a dull butter knife and to make sure to cauterize the wound so there's no blood." Tori says, making a face at the smell, the same Sam made when she arrived. "Oh, God. Not again." She says, running for the downstairs bathroom.

"Wow. I can't believe I'm handling this better than she is." Sam says from the doorway, eyeing the health food Marissa's making like she used to eye any form of meat. "Son of a…" She says, following Tori's path.

"Well, that didn't last." Freddie says, watching his 'husband' running for the bathroom.

 **Three Hours Later**

"So, how was it at Tori's parents?" Freddie asks as he and Sam walk into Tori and Jade's house after having a mini meal and present opening at Spencer's loft with Carly.

"I threw up on Trina." Tori says, looking upset.

"It was hilarious." Jade says with a straight face before laughing. "Oh, I never thought I'd like your pregnancy hormones and mood swings, but that was awesome babe." She says, hugging Tori from behind.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY! I THREW UP ON MY SISTER BECAUSE YOU MADE COFFEE!" Tori yells, causing Jade to fall back.

"It never bothered you before, so I didn't think it would now." Jade says, staring at her wife.

"I don't care. No more coffee until our daughter is born." Tori says, glaring at her wife.

"WHAT!?" Jade yells, eyes wide. "But I can't last more than a day without coffee. How am I supposed to make it months?" She asks, a hint of terror in her eyes.

"Too. Fucking. Bad." Tori says, crossing her arms above her baby bump. "Now, go get dinner ready, or I'm cutting you off from sex until our daughter is born." She says, walking into the living room area and sitting down on a couch, the same one from her old house that's curved and came in two parts, Trina taking the other half.

"No coffee?" Jade asks, never going more than half a day without her second favorite drink since she was fourteen.

"Tough luck, West." Sam says, walking past Jade as there's a knock at the door, Freddie letting his mother in since Tori and Jade aren't in any shape. "Hey mom." He says, hugging her before closing the door after her. "How was the hospital Christmas party?" He asks, leading her past a stunned Jade and angry Tori.

"Same as usual. What's wrong with them?" Marissa asks, glancing at Tori and Jade.

"Tori threw up on her sister because she felt sick from the smell of Jade's coffee, Jade laughed at her sister-in-law, Tori got mad, and now Jade can't drink coffee until their daughter is born." Freddie says, not seeing Sam. "Hey, where'd Sam go?" He calls out so Tori and Jade can hear.

"Ugh, I think the meat went bad. It smells horrible." Sam says, walking by after coming from the hallway, most likely from the bathroom.

"Mom and I just bought it a few days ago, and we put it in the freezer as soon as we got home. The meat is fine. It's your pregnancy hormones." Freddie says, amused by the face his wife is making at the ham her mother-in-law is taking out of the stove.

"Dinner's ready." Marissa calls out, setting the ham on the kitchen counter with the rest of the food, some of it still hot from just coming out of the stove. (The Vega-West kitchen has three stoves, a fridge, a separate freezer, and multiple cupboards for space.)

"Everything looks amazing." Tori says, now in a better mood, as she walks into the kitchen to eat.

"Seriously, what is that?" Jade asks from behind her wife, eyeing the health food Tori's been craving all month that Marissa made for them.

"I don't care. It tastes amazing." Sam says, her plate half full of the health food Marissa made, Tori's plate not far behind.

"I think I prefer the old Sam who ate an entire ten pound ham in one sitting." Jade says to herself as Tori and Sam eat their health food and she, Freddie, and Marissa make a plate of everything else. "Didn't smell or look as bad." She adds, shuddering slightly.

Years later, after the Jori and Seddie couples have their children, both daughters, Sam is horrified to learn that her daughter has food allergies. Specifically to meat.

 **A bit shorter than what I intended, but I hope it was funny enough.**

 **Thanks to Invader Johnny for reminding me, multiple times, about this idea. And for Sam and Freddie's daughter to be a vegan with food allergies. (I believe that was the idea you gave me.)**

 **Hope you liked this, thank you for reading, and please review.**

 **Blessed Be.**


End file.
